The Most Boring Man in the World?

I've been neglecting this blog for quite some time and I don't feel bad about that because no one reads it anyway.  But, today I'm stuck in a motel room, in Laredo, Texas while my truck is in the shop for repairs.  So, I thought I'd spend a little time attempting to write something I thought was interesting enough to post.

This has proven more difficult than I thought it would.  This is because I lead such a dull life.  I drive a truck all day and sleep in that same truck at night.  I only get out for a few minutes to give someone some papers, get some papers from someone or take a shower.  I cannot tell you how uneventful my days are.  The funny thing is, I actually like it this way.  I am wallowing in this abyss of nothingness.  I find it strangely comforting, the silence and confined space.  I've found a way to be happy in my nutshell and I don't like leaving it.  When I do leave it for a few days, I just want to be still and quiet.  I want to be mostly left alone and not bothered with the troubles of the world.

Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy spending time with my friends and family.  But, I don't really like having to go out to crowded places to stand in line to hang out in a loud place and eat food that I could cook better for myself at home.  Yes, I've become boring.  Dull even.  But, I'm okay with that.  At least for now.

My Addiction to Consumption

I've never been the type of person that buys things simply to have things.  The vast majority of things I've bought served some purpose in my life be it survival or to increase my overall happiness/sanity level.  Yes, there have been some exceptions.  But, as a rule, I'd buy what I needed and use it until it's worn out.  I've never felt a need to have the latest, greatest gadgets unless it would actually simplify my life and reduce stress.

But it's hard.  Everywhere you go there are people trying to sell you crap you don't need.  I have to stop and ask myself "will this actually fulfill some need and make my life better or am I buying it simply because I'm bored?  If I buy this thing, how often will I use it?"

Obviously there are things I need that I may never use.  I have a first aid kit, flashlight and an umbrella.  All things I seldom need, but when I do need one of them, having it does make my life easier.

I also try to buy things that serve more than one purpose.  My phone is a perfect example of this.  Phones have become so much more than when I was growing up.  It's become my alarm clock, notepad, radio, camera, calendar, guitar tuner, map and internet connection.  I use it to read emails, get weather reports, follow the news as well as keep in touch with family and friends via calls, texts and social networking.  I don't think I'd be lost without it, but it does make my life a good deal easier.

Recently I almost convinced myself that I needed a new one.  At first I thought the blue tooth had stopped functioning and if that had been the case I would have had to replace it because my occupation is required by law to use a hands free device while driving.  But, it turns out that I need a new ear piece, not a phone.  It didn't matter.  I found myself looking for ways to justify buying a new phone.  The battery cover latch is broken and the cover doesn't stay on of it's accord anymore and the battery sometimes falls out.  So, I started looking at new phones.

I came pretty close to plopping down a couple of hundred bucks for a phone that would actually not work as well for me as my current phone does.  I was racking my brain about how I'd have to shift my finances around to cover paying for it when I stopped myself.

My problem could be temporarily fixed with a piece of tape and permanently with a cover.  What was I doing?  I wanted to kick myself.  We all have material needs.  But, a new smart phone simply doesn't meet my criteria if the only reason I'm buying it is so I'll have a new gadget.

The truth is I probably do need a second phone as a back up in case this one does break in some repairable way.  But, there is just no good reason it has to be the newest thing Android has to offer.

Consumerism is an addiction and I'm am hooked.  I have to be vigilant and watch myself every day, all the time the same way a drug addict does or I'll just keep buying crap I don't need and don't really want.

Sometimes it's Hard NOT Buying Stuff

For a long time I've been trying to limit the things I own.  I've sold or given away most of my possessions.  I like this non-materialistic  lifestyle.  It's much less trouble.  I can now put everything I own in a single carload.

But, everywhere I go there are things jumping out at me screaming "BUY ME!  BUY ME!"  And I'm often tempted.  I have to stop and ask myself; do I really need that?  Will buying that really make me happier than I am now?  The answer is usually no and I pass it by.

Recently I did spend some money on something many would consider extravagant.  I bought a pair of Ray Ban sunglasses.  $200.00.  But, I absolutely love them.  I use them every day and not only do they do an outstanding job of clearing up my vision, but they have an cool factor (at least to me) that cannot be beat.  So yeah, they have made me happier.

Do We Only Think We're Thinking?

It occurred to me the other day that sheep were very smart in acquiring shepherds.  Doing so allowed them to outsource all their problems.  They no longer had to fear being eaten by wolves or worry about finding food and water.  A shepherd would handle all that and shave that hot wool off every summer to boot.

My point is most of what we do is little more than evolutionary programming.  Sure, we think we're cutting the grass because we like the look of a neat lawn.  We think we're actually doing some harm to the grass by not allowing it to grow tall and keeping it from going to seed.  But, grass is very clever.  Grass has tricked us into doing what it needs to survive, namely by making sure trees can't grow up and take all the sunlight.  How did grass do it?  By taking advantage of what we humans think looks nice.

A bee may think; "Alright, I'm going to fly into that flower, get some nectar and take it back to my hive."  But, that flower has spent a very long time evolving itself to be attractive to bees.  Discovering just the right shape, color and flavor that bees like to tick it into carrying pollen to the next flower.  And it did it without having a brain!

In fact, flowers have survived on this planet longer than just about anything else and done pretty well for themselves.  They don't need brains.  They don't need critical thinking.  All they needed was time.

Understanding this is humbling.  We humans aren't the masters of the Earth.  We're the slaves of the plants and animals we proudly call domesticated.

The Van Plan

I've been thinking alot lately about living in a van.  I find the idea very attractive.  I can park it on a secured lot while I'm out driving the truck and when home, I can stay in it instead of paying for motel rooms.  But, I simply cannot afford to buy a van right now.  Then I had an epiphany.

I could trade in my car for the van.  Then I'd have only the van payment and as long as it's less than what I currently spend on my car payment and motel rooms each month, I'm saving money!  What a forehead slapper that was.  Why didn't I think of this sooner?

So, the plan as of now is to start researching vans.  I want something I could park most anywhere and not draw attention to myself.  That means I want a van with a simple, one color paint job and not one with a bunch of swooshy, tribal looking designs all over it.  However, an extended top would be nice since I'm 6 foot 4.  Another consideration is if registered as an RV, my insurance will be lower.

Now, what do I need in my van?  A small refrigerator, a bed, an oven and cooking surface and enough space to store my few belongings.

What will I do in my van?  Mostly just relax, but I'll also want to use my laptop computer.  On a side note, laptops are awesome!  They have the obvious purpose of computing, but also offer the ability to watch DVDs, which can also be converted to digital and now the laptop also stores your movies as well.  Maybe it's not as nice as a huge flat screen TV, but I don't watch enough TV to warrant investing one of those anyway.

I'm going to wait until Fall to buy one.  That way I can get away without an air conditioner for several months.

Luxuries I Refuse to Live Without

I have sold or given away so many things in the past year.  Most of my guitars, all my nice clothes and shoes and so much more.  But, there are a few luxuries I'm hanging onto.  My laptop of course is high on the list.  It's become almost indispensable as a way to keep in touch with friends as well as a source for entertainment.  I use it to watch films, play games and write this blog.

My smart phone has also become very important to me.  When I'm out on the road it's my link to the internet.  I also use it while driving to listen to internet radio shows and podcasts.  This provides me with a feeling on consistency I find comforting.

My Zippo lighter is something I suppose I could live without.  But, I am a smoker and I think a Zippo lighter says something about the man that carries one, although I'm not sure what.  It also reminds me of someone, the woman that gave it to me and that's also a comfort even though our relationship has changed.

Probably the most unique item I carry with me is my badger hair shaving brush.  I don't think I know anyone else that owns one.  But, I've been using one for about 20 years and I love it.  It's an old school man thing and I enjoy the ritual of of stirring the hot water and soap in a shaving mug and lathering up my face before a shave.  It's meditative for me, calming.  And it just feels good on my skin.

I lost it last week.  I got in a hurry after a shower in a truck stop and forgot it.  I haven't shaved since then.  But, today I bought a new one and I'm going to break it in right now.

Misogynist? Me? Really?

I don't think I'm a misogynist.  But, I've recently been called one by more than one woman.  I feel a need to address it.

I insist a woman pull her own weight in a relationship.  Paying her half of all common expenses as well as any she incurs on her own.  Does that make me a misogynist?

I don't like the idea of a woman having unlimited access to my assets.  Does that make me a misogynist?

I don't think it's wrong to speak to an attractive woman on the street and ask for her phone number.  Does that make me a misogynist?

I think it's wrong that a man is forced to pay a woman money for the rest of her life after a divorce.  Does that make me a misogynist?

I think it's immoral and wrong for a woman to lead a man on by allowing him to pay her bills, repair her car, do her heavy lifting, loan her money she knows she'll never pay back and take her on expensive dates while she knows she'll never have an intimate relationship with him.  Does that make me a misogynist?

I don't think women deserve respect simply by virtue of their gender.  Does that make me a misogynist?

I think it's wrong for a woman to use sex as a tool to manipulate men.  Does that make me a misogynist?

I believe women are my equal in every way.  I believe women should receive equal pay for equal work.  I don't judge women by their sexual habits.  If a woman enjoys bedding a new man every night, it's no ones business but hers and I don't think that has to mean she's a slut.

I love women!  I love their thoughts, their ideas, I love hearing their points of view.  I also enjoy indulging in the pleasures of their flesh.  But, I don't think that makes me a misogynist.  I think that makes me a normal, hedrosexual man.

How do any of these views make me a misogynist?  I really want to know.

Marriage, Same Sex, Traditional, Whatever

So, a friend posted this link on her facebook feed and I thought it made some interesting points.

http://nursingclio.org/2013/04/02/same-sex-marriage-does-threaten-traditional-marriage/

I'd like to first point out that I don't like marriage, at all, for anybody.  I think it's an outdated idea.  I think there's just no need for it in today's America.  I think marriage is inherently unequal and unfair.  But, this has nothing to do with traditional gender roles or homosexuality.

If any two people get married, one will benefit financially more than the other unless both enter into it with equal assets.  If one partner has worked hard to achieve a level of monetary success and marries someone that hasn't worked as hard, the former is forced to share his/her assets with the latter equally.

This means that if I marry someone they have the legal means to spend all my income and savings on whatever they want and don't even have to discuss it with me beforehand because denying them access to "family funds" is abuse.  What's fair and equal about that?

Women go on and on about being equal, but the majority of women still marry men with higher incomes than their own, thereby raising their social status.  Even after all these years of women fighting to be treated as equals, they still insist on being given half of a man's wealth after being married to him.  This is BOLLOCKS!

I know, women still make less money than men.  However, according to the bureau of labor and statistics, the reason women make less is largely because women choose careers that pay less, work fewer hours and are less productive in general.  Here's an a link that explains more;

http://www.martynemko.com/articles/why-men-earn-more_id1226

When it comes to relationships, women always insist on "wanting more."  What is this more they want?  Does marriage mean he loves you more than he did before marriage?  Of course not.  Does marriage mean he's more committed than he was?  Nonsense.  Marriage does not guarantee fidelity.

The only thing women gain by marriage is access to a man's funds and relationships are supposed to be about love, NOT money.

As a man that's been taken advantage of in the past, I'll not be getting married again, or even sharing a home with a woman.

When I say this kind of thing women usually fire back that I have trust issues.  I say this may be true.  But, no more than any woman that doesn't want to have sex too soon.  It perfectly fine for a woman to protect herself from heartbreak, but if a man wants to protect himself from a greedy, gold digging bitch, he has "trust issues."

Does that make me a misogynist?  According to a number of women, it does.  But, if the tables are turned and a woman had more financial assets than her man, she'd probably see things differently.

Dropping Out

So, I’m starting to get pretty pumped about buying some kind of vehicle and converting it into my living space.  Although, I’m still not sure about the type of vehicle will best suit my needs, I’m starting to narrow it down.

I’ve mostly given up on a box truck or step van.  I just don’t need that much space.  But, I think a normal van would be too small.  An extended van might do the trick.  Something similar to a 15 passenger limo, van might do the trick.  But I wouldn’t be able to stand up inside unless the roof was raised.

I’m starting to lean towards a mini bus, but most of them have too many windows.  All those windows are bad for insulation, not to mention privacy.  And the mileage would be pretty poor as well.  However, mileage isn’t a big concern because I’d be living in it full time.  The low bills would make up for poor mileage.

Another thing to think about is where to live?  I’d want to avoid any extreme weather.  So, someplace that never gets too hot or too cold.  This makes Arizona very attractive.  I could spend winters in the desert and drive up into the mountains for summers.  There’s also lots a free camping in both places.

I just found out about a place in Southern California called “Slab City.”  It was once some kind of military thing, but they pulled out and left only the cement slabs for the buildings.  Some people have lived there for years, while others stay for just a few days.  Some places are basically junk yard, trash heaps while others are very well kept with gardens and such.  But, the best part is, it costs NOTHING to stay there for as long as you like.

Happiness

What does it mean to be happy?  What does it take to lead a happy life?  Can happiness be bought?  Does it come in box or bottle?

Living in a truck has caused me to really think about happiness and what I need to achieve it.  Ten years ago I don't think I could have been happy living the life I lead today.  I was confused.  I thought happiness was nothing more than a serious of pleasurable experiences.  Let me assure you, pleasurable experiences don't come around often when you park in a different city every night and don't have access to all the usually things people seek out for pleasure.  I can't go to the movies or hang out with my friends or go shopping.  I can't even watch anything interesting on TV.

I do have internet access and that allows me to keep up with my friends through facebook.  I can post on forums and that gives me a certain amount of pleasure.  I have access to all sorts of social media.  I also have access to my favorite radio stations from back home and a few pod casts I enjoy using the tune in ap on my android phone.

But, it's unusual that I have an opportunity to laugh.  I have very little face time with other humans.  Strangely, this really doesn't bother me.  I do have a LOT of time to think.  Time to plan, time to learn, time to do nothing at all.

I've never been a person that sought out happiness through things.  I've never hoped that buying the latest gadget would bring me happiness.  I'm a simple man with simple needs.  As long as I have enough food and can keep warm, I really don't need much else.

That, of course, doesn't mean I don't want stuff.  It just means I know buying stuff isn't the road to happiness.

Happiness doesn't come from having money either.  I've had money and I can tell you, it better to have it than to wonder how you'll pay the rent.  But, you really only need so much and the rest is just play money.  Money to spend in the pursuit of pleasure.  But, pleasure is fleeting.  It never lasts long.

Happiness, on the other hand, is a state of being.  It comes from within and has very little to do with your surroundings.  But, how do I get there?  How am I to be happy?  What's missing?  What drives happiness away?

Fear.  You cannot be happy if you're fearing for your life or future.  Stress.  You cannot be happy if you're stressing over things beyond your control.  Food, water, air, shelter etc.

I think the true key to happiness is low expectations.

A Nomadic Lifestyle

Something occurred to me yesterday while I was talking with my accountant.  He was asking about my retirement plans, what my goals are and such.  He's can be a little gloomy about those kind of things and is quick to point out anything he thinks is unrealistic.

I told him my plans are very modest.  I'm just going to buy or build a trailer or motor-home and live very small.  He actually thought it was a very good idea for me and mentioned how many retired people live in RVs in Florida.  Florida isn't a place I'd considered because of the threat of hurricanes.  But, then I realized how easy it would be to just bug out in that event.  I already have everything I own inside my RV.  So, I'd just have to unplug and drive to safety.

You might think this should have been obvious to me.  But, I simply wasn't thinking about mobility.  I was stuck in the idea of my home being a stationary dwelling.  It would be so easy to spend Summers up North where it's cooler and Winters in the South.  A truly nomadic lifestyle.

I find this idea appealing because, as a truck driver, I'm constantly driving past things I want to stop and see. The Delta Blues Museum in Mississippi, the Grand Canyon and so forth.  I can't stop for anything like this because I'm working and because it's not easy to find parking for an 18 wheeler.

It would also provide me with opportunities to discover things to blog about that people may actually be interested in reading.

Giving Everything Away

During he last month on the road, I decided I was going to give away almost everything I still own.  I don't use most of it, so I don't see any good reason for keeping it.  Also it's costing money to have it stored.  Money that could be put to better use.

They say the things you own end up owning you.  I understand that.  You have to maintain them and store them and carry them around with you.  I just don't think it's worth it anymore.  It's just stuff.  Stuff that's always in my way.  Stuff that just sits there waiting for me to do something with it.  Stuff that I don't need and no longer want.

How far will it go?

I don't know yet.  I've already gotten rid of a lot of stuff.  I think I still have a dinner table with two benches and one comfortable chair.  But, I want to cut out everything extemporaneous.  If I don't have a need for, it's going to someone else or getting donated to Good Will.

What will I keep?

That's what I'm thinking about right now.  I'm keeping my android phone and laptop computer.  I'm keep a couple pairs of shoes.  Several T-shirts, pants, socks a couple of shirts for cooler weather and a water proof coat.  I'm keeping all my grooming supplies.  I'm keeping my DVD collection, but that's only until I can find a way of storing them digitally that works for me.  And I have a little toaster oven I'll be hanging onto.  I'm keeping one guitar.  I just can't give them all up.

 I'm keeping my car of course.  At least until it's paid off then I may let it go too.  That would save me $100.00 a month I pay for insurance.

I think, for now, that's about all I need.  I have a bed in my truck and when I'm home, I get a hotel room. Pretty ruthless ah?  Throwing out so much stuff and trying to live as simply as possible.  Why?

That's a very good question.  The reason is because all my life I've danced.  I've had a great time playing and laughing and enjoying myself.  But, the time has come to pay the band.  I haven't saved anything for retirement and I'm getting older pretty fast these days.  If I want to be able to retire at all, I'll have to plan very carefully and I'll have to live very modestly.

Have You Ever Been Flat Broke?

I'm talking on the verge of being homeless.  No money now and none coming in anytime soon. Collection people calling you on the phone.  Have you ever been in that position?

Well, I have.  A couple of years ago I decided that I had to simply cut my loses and start all over.  So, I stopped trying to make any bill payments except the things I needed like food, water rent and electricity.

I had owned a small business and had to take a credit hit over some of those bills like my yellow pages ad.  I also had to break my cellular phone contract.  I never finished high school, so any kind of job I was able to get didn't pay much better than minimum wage.  And that simply isn't enough to make a living on anymore.

Anyway, I was able to enjoy one thing.  I became very fond of debt collectors calling me.  Most people dread this kind of thing, but I discovered I could have a lot of fun by simply telling them the truth.  I was not even going to try to pay them the money I owed.  I was polite (at least until they became rude), but firm.  I told them flat out that I was NEVER going to pay that bill.  When they asked why, I said it didn't matter because I simply wasn't going to pay.

"Well," they'd say, " if you won't pay, we're going to sue you."  I told them that was fine by me.  They could spend all the money they wanted to attempting to collect, but no matter what they did, I still wasn't paying.

"You'll go to prison" they'd threaten.  I told them that was a lie.  There are no prisons for debtors anymore.

Then they started getting rude.  They called me names like loser and crook and worse.  So, I told him to slow down.  I wanted him to know that I understood how things were so difficult for him.  I mean, who grows up thinking "I want to be a bill collector."  I told him he was a man so hard up that he'd taken a job being mean to people that are just as hard up as himself and that if HE wanted to talk, I'd be there for him.  I think I had him on the verge of tears.

Another man was so rude that I finally told him if he wanted that money he could come to Texas and "suck it out of my cock."

The last one that called was a woman.  She was very nice, but I told her the same things, that I was never going to pay the debt.  She ask if I was a "professional debtor."  I agreed that I was and told her I felt her I felt very badly about it.  I told her I really needed to be punished.  She asked what kind of punishment and I said "maybe you can come over and spank me."  This actually made her laugh.

The last one to call I simply told that I would neither confirm or deny that I was indeed the person to which they wanted to speak.  She had no way of dealing with this.  There was nothing she could do if I wouldn't say I was the person she wanted to speak to.

I'm sure all my conversations with debt collectors were recorded and are now used for training purposes.  I smile when I think about that.

A Change in Direction

Since my other blog was not accepted by Google Ads, I've deleted it and will shift my focus back to this blog.  I don't get much traffic here and I'm okay with that because this blog is sort of a journal for me.  Where I'm at, where I'm going, where I want to be and how I'm planning on getting there.

A couple of weeks ago I had my 51st birthday.  This seems like a good time to asses what I did with the first two thirds of my life and some of my mistakes.  There have been plenty.  I haven't planned for my future very well and as a result I can't slow down any yet.  And all my upcoming plans will have to be modest.  But, I'm feeling good about that.  I've never wanted to live in a big house in the country.  I like urban living.  I prefer smaller living spaces and have little desire for most tangible things.

Long term, I want to buy or build a small trailer to eventually move into.  I think this is the least expensive way for me to retire.  I'm putting a lot of thought into exactly what I'll need to be comfortable and happy living in it and ridding myself of anything extemporaneous.  The down side to this is I'll need a fuel guzzling vehicle to pull it.  But, I think I can live with that as long as I find a good location to live.  I'll need someplace close to a place to buy the things I need as well as some social gathering places.

I'll need all the standard things a person needs in their home, a proper bathroom with shower, sink and toilet.  I'll need a small oven and refrigerator.  I think a two burner stove will be plenty for me.  I'll also need dishes, cups, glasses, utensils and a place to store them.  I simply won't live without a dishwasher.  I'm lazy that way.  I have no use for a microwave though.

Obviously, I'll need a bed.  I'll need a comfy chair and something like a couch for guests.  I think a can have table that will also function as a desk and entertainment center where I'll have my laptop computer.  I think I can get by with about seven pairs of pants, maybe ten T-shirts, ten pairs of socks and two or three pairs of shoes.  One good, heavy coat for winter, a couple of dress shirts and just one blazer and a tie for more formal occasions.  So, I'll need a small closet.  I'm thinking I could build the couch with space inside it to store extra bedding, maybe more.

I'll also need enough room to sit and play my guitar as well as a place out of the way to keep it.  I'm going to try to limit myself to just one guitar, my jumbo acoustic/electric.

Other than cleaning supplies, a few tools, food and places to stow them away, I think that's all. I can watch movies and TV on my laptop as well as listen to radio over the web, so there's no need for a TV or radio.  But, I think a good sound system might be nice to have.

What do you guys think?  Am I forgetting anything?  Let me know.